saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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