This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
