omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
