Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
