Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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