when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
