i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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