Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
