My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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