Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
