I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
