So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
