She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
