Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize