I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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