I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
