I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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