his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
