help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
