wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
