i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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