It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
