is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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