Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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