haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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