Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
