i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
