I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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