dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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