I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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