Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think your dad took our porno
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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