I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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