First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
