I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
