Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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