What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
