so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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