The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
