omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
