oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
