So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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