I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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