I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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