True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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