Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
A+ Viking dick
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize