drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
