You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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