and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
