i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
