when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Success! We fucked roommates!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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