I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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