Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I FOUND THE LEGS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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