you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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