She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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