You really coming over, don't trick.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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