Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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