Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
