Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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