He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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