i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Shame - the story of my life.
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