Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
