So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Even my vagina gasped.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
