i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize