My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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