You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
