Sober January is a disaster.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
