if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
