He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
