my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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