He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
