No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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