Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
