It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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