We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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