LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
